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Why won't you dance with me?

...because

  1. I'm shy
  2. my dancing is terrible today
  3. my last partner told me everything I was doing wrong, and now I don't really feel like dancing much
  4. you're an advanced dancer and I feeling like I'm taking an exam when I dance with you
  5. I don't want you to discover that I've temporarily forgotten your name
  6. I feel ridiculous when I dance with a woman who's taller than me
  7. my boyfriend is watching
  8. the dancefloor is a horrible chaos of elbows and high-heels
  9. the dancefloor is empty and I don't want to be "the show"
  10. my shoe is broken
  11. I'd prefer to wait until there's some easier music playing
  12. this old honky-tonk music sounds like a gramaphone
  13. I've just discovered that my car's been stolen
  14. there's only one tango left in the set, so if we dance now, it'll only be for one tango and I'd prefer three or four
  15. we just danced the last tanda
  16. everyone gives me a hard time when I dance with someone young enough to be my daughter
  17. this is the cortina, but maybe when there's some tango playing
  18. this music isn't tango
  19. this music is so lovely I just want to sit and listen
  20. I don't want to be here, but I promised somebody I'd come
  21. I promised someone else I'd only dance with them today
  22. I promised this tanda to somebody else
  23. I only dance if my partner is dancing, otherwise they get in a bad mood because I get more dances than they do
  24. I want to dance Pugliese with you, but this is Di Sarli
  25. I'm quietly having an argument with my husband
  26. I don't dance milonga
  27. you always flirt with me
  28. you never flirt with me
  29. my girlfriend thinks you always flirt with me
  30. I'm waiting for my boyfriend to leave so I can flirt with you
  31. I promised my husband I'd be home an hour ago
  32. I'm watching my teacher dance, so I get that double-wilson-mortal step right
  33. I'm watching Phil so that if he gives me the nod, I won't miss it
  34. I'm resting
  35. my last partner skewered my foot with her stiletto and I'm quietly bleeding into my shoe
  36. I've been dancing all night and my feet are sore
  37. I forgot to put deoderant on, so I'm only dancing with people who have no sense of smell or can't say "no"
  38. I'm allergic to your perfume
  39. I'm all sweaty and want to dry off a bit before I inflict myself on anyone
  40. I'm eating
  41. I don't like the way your wife looks at me when we dance
  42. I've just realized I've got bad breath
  43. I just ate, and it's not going down well
  44. I drank too much
  45. I need to go to the toilet
  46. I'm in the middle of a conversation right now
  47. my phone is ringing
  48. I'm pretty sure I just heard people laughing about my dancing, so I'm retreating from the floor for now
  49. someone's just taken my purse 'by mistake'
  50. your breath smells of garlic
  51. you dance that claustrophic "close embrace" style, and I prefer to have room to breathe
  52. the last time, you gave me a lecture on my technique, and I'd prefer to do my learning in the class and my enjoying in the milonga
  53. your conversation between tangos makes me uncomfortable
  54. when you dance with me, I think I can feel a canoe in your pocket
  55. I just had a tango-fight with my wife, and so it's not the best moment to ask the most beautiful woman in the room to dance
  56. my husband is dancing with the most beautiful woman in the room, and I'm not taking my eyes off him until they're finished
  57. you always leave make-up stains on my collar
  58. I never dance two tandas in a row
  59. I like you a lot, which makes me nervous when we dance
  60. I've got a run in my stocking
  61. last week you wouldn't even look at me, so I thought I was in the dog box
  62. I like dancing with you, but you're in the dog box this week
  63. if I dance with you for a fifth set, people will get the wrong impression
  64. you're my best friend's girlfriend so dancing with you would violate "the code"
  65. because I'm married to you and we can dance at home
  66. the parking building is about to close
  67. this dancefloor is so full of holes I feel like I'm going to fall into one and never be seen again
  68. I don't actually know how to dance tango.  Salsa?
  69. I'm in a foul mood for no good reason
  70. I bat for the other team
  71. who are you, anyway?
  72. I'm used to being asked with the nod, BsAs style
  73. I'm busy looking at women's legs
  74. I'm busy looking at women's shoes
  75. I don't speak English
  76. I don't like the way women look at me when we dance
  77. your woollen suit makes me sweat
  78. I'm the DJ, and so I'm a bit busy right now
  79. I hate this crappy "nuevo" music
  80. I just got here and haven't even put my shoes on yet
  81. I've just entered my 'tango crisis'
  82. my teacher is watching, which makes me nervous
  83. I think I might be having a heart attack
  84. there's a show on right now
  85. I've got a canoe in my pocket
  86. the floor is like an ice-skating rink
  87. I put my back out in the last tanda
  88. I'm only dancing as a leader tonight
  89. I only dance with my close friends
  90. I'm waiting for my wife to finish dancing so we can finally go home
  91. You are my teacher and you make me nervous
  92. I only see you dancing open embrace and I prefer close
  93. You are a woman and you lead a lot so you can dance any time you want to
  94. We’ve already danced twice
  95. I don’t want to make it obvious I’m hitting on you
  96. The person sitting next to you keeps on stealing my cabeceo
  97. You are always making eye contact with other  people while you are dancing, instead of paying attention to your partner
  98. You seem like you're in a bad mood
  99. I can't tell you, but believe me it's a good reason - please don't force me to dance by asking me out loud
  100. you're a bad dancer

...whenever somebody won't dance with me, I skip the first 99 reasons, and assume it must be reason 100.  Why is that?

 


text: robert©fromont.net.nz June 2009

... he put his arms around her like it was going to be forever, and he yelled at the musicians to play something - a tango, a milonga ...

Jorge Luis Borges